I had an interesting day today... it was following a lead from a returned call that a recruitment consultant (I use that term loosely) made to me last week, requesting an interview for a position that she had clearly explained had been taken already but was "just still online".
Considering that I want a house, apartment, Shahinnian speakers, an Orpheus system, and an Audi R8. I thought a job may help me get there quicker than sole reliance on the power of attraction.
And so it all began at 08:00...
I had set my alarm this time unlike last time when I had thought I set my alarm. It woke me promptly at 08:00 and after one SNOOZE function I got up 15 minutes later. I felt like crap, going to bed four hours earlier had not aided my cause for employment. Fucking YouTube.
Had a shower, made a cup of tea, and lit me a durrie. Meanwhile the cat was trying to get in to my room and sit on my PC, because it is warm, and consequently I never turn it off unless I leave JAFA-land. Whereupon I strip it and hide it from theiving motherfuckers. He was quickly shunted in to the cold via my ranch slider.
I got in to my car, visualised a 'Car Free' road and found it... all the way to the Recruitment Offices. Sweet as. This was definitely not like last time when everything was stressful and rushed. I parked up, shed some dollars for parking and walked.
This building looks odd to be honest, juxtaposed nicely between a Church, and something else, it looks like a neu-corrogation-d'iron-toilette for giants. It really does. So, I go in to the foyer and call for an elevator. I step in...
It opened out to the most amazing use of lime, beige, yellow and grey that I have ever seen in my life. Like a budgey. Yes, a budgey. Dental cliniquesque, yet a well designed area for housing office furniture and cubicles. The lovely young lady at the reception, who by the way had finished her job of two years at Lynfield Foodtown last Sunday as a check out processor, greeted me and after a mutual introduction informed me that I needed to fill out a form.
Sweet as - young nubile thing, I thought.
This was a generic form, you know, Who, What, When, How, How much... Half way through completing this form, the young nubile thing informed that she had made a mistake, and given me the wrong form. I chuckled.
No problem, she gave me the correct form, which had with it a spelling test and a maths test. The lovely lady called my...? Caseworker? to see when she would be down, and I heard her clearly say, the Caseworker that is... "I'm on another call, get him to do the tests after he has finished the forms", then she said, "Actually put him on the phone", and she said "I'm on another call, please to do the tests after you have finished the forms".
Hmmm. I conjected.
At this point my patience started to take a vacation. Just a little one.
I was looking at the maths test and thought, "I'm not a kid, I could cane this in Excel, use my processing power for complex problems not 3+10-4+14=?". I reached in to my bag and pulled out my cell phone and used the calculator.
Hahahaha.
The nubile thing, kept looking over and asked me If I was ok? - I looked up smiled and said "Yep, I'm fine".
I finished the test and handed back the paper, the nubile thing asked me to accompany her to a set of machines to do a Word and Excel test. Fantastic, I thought. Unfortunately, due to a butterfly in South America flapping its wings, the password eluded her, and we went to another room.
Now just a note, have you been in a situation where you follow someone who keeps walking and then stops and bends over? You have to stop quickly from ramming them in their (Grass-Gr) with your (Chick-Ch+D).
Anyways.
This new machine was sweet, I began the test - Word of wisdom, If it says try the tutorial, try the tutorial. When the test started I thought I'd play around and familiarise myself and got three questions wrong by clicking where I wasn't supposed to. Accidental clicks also got me another wrong answer.
I got through Word, and fleeced, no scalped, no PWNED the Excel test.
I went back, the nubile thing called the Caseworker and I heard her clearly say, "What? Already?"
I had a seat, after a ten minute wait where the nubile thing told me about her weekend and working in New Lynn, I thought that this was possibly a secret "get on with annoying dip shits test". The thing kept on talking about her weekend and how she liked the new job and how compared to New Fucking Lynn, it was more "Funner".
It was more Funner.
Time passed, the/my Caseworker arrived - she was one of those bubbly types, quite lovely, and terribly positive.
We went in to a room and she started the interview process.
She kept looking down at the paper the entire time, and never looked at me.
Her questions were generic.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
Give me an example of conflict?
Blah blah blah...
Mistake me not friends, I was positive all the way through this. But I couldn't help thinking, I could do this job better than you. I could turn this organisation in to one that gets results.
So after an hour of giving preprepared answers to preprepared questions, we shook hands, she gave me a contract to work for them, and I departed.
Whooooa back TFRM, a contract?
Yeah I got a contract to work for them.
I have no idea what it's fucking for?
I think, the butterfly in South America must have flapped its wings so hard that the hurricane it caused created a temporal displacement in Khyber Pass that knocked me forward through time to a point where I had said "Yes" to a job.
Confused, and dazed, like the day after rohypnol, I went to my car and returned to the sanctuary of my home, that I'm about to be evicted from because the owners are getting a divorce and I have no job and am trying to get a new place to live in and no one will give you a place to live without a job, and went inside.
I had another interview that afternoon as well, the opposite of the first one, and with really cool and experienced people, but that friends... is another story.
TFRM
Considering that I want a house, apartment, Shahinnian speakers, an Orpheus system, and an Audi R8. I thought a job may help me get there quicker than sole reliance on the power of attraction.
And so it all began at 08:00...
I had set my alarm this time unlike last time when I had thought I set my alarm. It woke me promptly at 08:00 and after one SNOOZE function I got up 15 minutes later. I felt like crap, going to bed four hours earlier had not aided my cause for employment. Fucking YouTube.
Had a shower, made a cup of tea, and lit me a durrie. Meanwhile the cat was trying to get in to my room and sit on my PC, because it is warm, and consequently I never turn it off unless I leave JAFA-land. Whereupon I strip it and hide it from theiving motherfuckers. He was quickly shunted in to the cold via my ranch slider.
I got in to my car, visualised a 'Car Free' road and found it... all the way to the Recruitment Offices. Sweet as. This was definitely not like last time when everything was stressful and rushed. I parked up, shed some dollars for parking and walked.
This building looks odd to be honest, juxtaposed nicely between a Church, and something else, it looks like a neu-corrogation-d'iron-toilette for giants. It really does. So, I go in to the foyer and call for an elevator. I step in...
It opened out to the most amazing use of lime, beige, yellow and grey that I have ever seen in my life. Like a budgey. Yes, a budgey. Dental cliniquesque, yet a well designed area for housing office furniture and cubicles. The lovely young lady at the reception, who by the way had finished her job of two years at Lynfield Foodtown last Sunday as a check out processor, greeted me and after a mutual introduction informed me that I needed to fill out a form.
Sweet as - young nubile thing, I thought.
This was a generic form, you know, Who, What, When, How, How much... Half way through completing this form, the young nubile thing informed that she had made a mistake, and given me the wrong form. I chuckled.
No problem, she gave me the correct form, which had with it a spelling test and a maths test. The lovely lady called my...? Caseworker? to see when she would be down, and I heard her clearly say, the Caseworker that is... "I'm on another call, get him to do the tests after he has finished the forms", then she said, "Actually put him on the phone", and she said "I'm on another call, please to do the tests after you have finished the forms".
Hmmm. I conjected.
At this point my patience started to take a vacation. Just a little one.
I was looking at the maths test and thought, "I'm not a kid, I could cane this in Excel, use my processing power for complex problems not 3+10-4+14=?". I reached in to my bag and pulled out my cell phone and used the calculator.
Hahahaha.
The nubile thing, kept looking over and asked me If I was ok? - I looked up smiled and said "Yep, I'm fine".
I finished the test and handed back the paper, the nubile thing asked me to accompany her to a set of machines to do a Word and Excel test. Fantastic, I thought. Unfortunately, due to a butterfly in South America flapping its wings, the password eluded her, and we went to another room.
Now just a note, have you been in a situation where you follow someone who keeps walking and then stops and bends over? You have to stop quickly from ramming them in their (Grass-Gr) with your (Chick-Ch+D).
Anyways.
This new machine was sweet, I began the test - Word of wisdom, If it says try the tutorial, try the tutorial. When the test started I thought I'd play around and familiarise myself and got three questions wrong by clicking where I wasn't supposed to. Accidental clicks also got me another wrong answer.
I got through Word, and fleeced, no scalped, no PWNED the Excel test.
I went back, the nubile thing called the Caseworker and I heard her clearly say, "What? Already?"
I had a seat, after a ten minute wait where the nubile thing told me about her weekend and working in New Lynn, I thought that this was possibly a secret "get on with annoying dip shits test". The thing kept on talking about her weekend and how she liked the new job and how compared to New Fucking Lynn, it was more "Funner".
It was more Funner.
Time passed, the/my Caseworker arrived - she was one of those bubbly types, quite lovely, and terribly positive.
We went in to a room and she started the interview process.
She kept looking down at the paper the entire time, and never looked at me.
Her questions were generic.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
Give me an example of conflict?
Blah blah blah...
Mistake me not friends, I was positive all the way through this. But I couldn't help thinking, I could do this job better than you. I could turn this organisation in to one that gets results.
So after an hour of giving preprepared answers to preprepared questions, we shook hands, she gave me a contract to work for them, and I departed.
Whooooa back TFRM, a contract?
Yeah I got a contract to work for them.
I have no idea what it's fucking for?
I think, the butterfly in South America must have flapped its wings so hard that the hurricane it caused created a temporal displacement in Khyber Pass that knocked me forward through time to a point where I had said "Yes" to a job.
Confused, and dazed, like the day after rohypnol, I went to my car and returned to the sanctuary of my home, that I'm about to be evicted from because the owners are getting a divorce and I have no job and am trying to get a new place to live in and no one will give you a place to live without a job, and went inside.
I had another interview that afternoon as well, the opposite of the first one, and with really cool and experienced people, but that friends... is another story.
TFRM
